i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
