The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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