very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
