I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
