Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
