Pants 0. Shit 1.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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