Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
