Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
are you so shy because you have an std?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
