That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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