where am i from again
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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