That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
