Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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