Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
