there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
