I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
