I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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