obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just sucked dick on a ferry
as a side note pls kill me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
