Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I wish there were birth control emojis
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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