Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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