What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
