Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
