We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize