were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
