Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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