ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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