Non-Jews are for practice
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
