apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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