Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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