I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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