My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
