The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
