billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
