I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.â€
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