Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
PANTIES FOUND
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