i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
