Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
