Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize