did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How does it feel to date your dad?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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