And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
