I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
