do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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