chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He has the fingertips of a God
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