In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
