I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
