It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
