Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
