i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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