Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We are all done wearing pants today
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
