it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
