A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
