Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
