I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
