I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I've blown a few things in my day
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
