break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
