nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
