matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
