So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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