I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
