I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
