Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Screwed.edu
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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