dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize