He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize