Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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