I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
