I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
