I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
